my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
