1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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