is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he thought i was a dude.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
