I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
