Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
