i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
