i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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