eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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