She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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