Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
