i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
God I need to hump something, right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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