omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
