thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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