if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
