saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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