My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
