dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
