shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
