margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
