well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
