Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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