I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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