He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His nipple licking is glorious
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