i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
