Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My bed smells like the plague
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize