New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
