rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
