she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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