How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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