peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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