my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
