I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
