I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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