trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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