Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
