i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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