I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
