My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
