dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
