She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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