***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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