I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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