whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
