his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
