and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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