I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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