he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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