Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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