Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
