I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize