Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize