Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
