I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
