I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
