If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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