There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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