just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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