my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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