Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
someone owes me an orgasm
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
