My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
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Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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